At the age of five I realized,
How alone I was
Abandoned by a father
Too young unable to adhere to responsibility
That fatherhood symbolized
Expectations he would never live to be
At age five I first met him
So sad to see I looked like him, and he like me
A spitting image, his first child his daughter he could not believe
The bastard only came to see me once then
Abandoned me
At age15 he tried and reached out to me
It seemed as if this time he was ready
To be a dad for me
I stayed with him for one long week
Trying to reconnect what seemed to be
A bond, a relationship that would never
Ever come to exist
I left this time I went back home
With empty promises of joy and hope
To be told that if I ever was in great need
I could reach to him to help me cope
Then that day came, I called, I begged
I needed money so that I could play
In the Tennis team
My 10th grade year
He said he could not help,
Ask my mother, with whom I lived
I said we were poor and that she couldn’t
I felt sad even asking her for this
I repeated to him what he had promised
That faithful day at age 15
And slowly the conversation became convoluted,
Reality became so clear, as I was told
I never wanted to have you, I was not ready
Your mother knows
Frozen, speechless, my world came to a screeching halt
The father I always wanted was now dead to me
A lying bastard that became my enemy
I cussed I cried I hung up cut off the cord
Never told my mom what happened that dreadful day over the phone
I became silent a mute for days
That day I was aware that man could never help me
With the emotions that I bared
A hug, validation of my existence would have been enough
But when he said those things to me, like we could never be
I could never be your father,
A slap in the face for me,
He might as well have killed me
In my mother womb
Aid me
End my suffering
From his cruelty, from this world
